Love Wished Away
by blackrosepoison
Summary: It's been 3 years since the Cullens left in new moon. Bella lives in Seattle and has a new job and friend. When her new friend dares her to sing at a bar the cullens just happen to be there. What happens when there worlds collide again? Sorry bad summary!
1. Chapter 1

**This really isn't a prologue, more of an excerpt of what's to come (if for some reason you are crazy enough to stay with it), but I don't really know what else to call it so … here you go. If you like it, let me know by reviewing! Just please give it a chance!**

**Disclaimer: If I were Stephenie Meyer, would I be writing on FanFiction? Nope and if I accidentally took anybody else's parts of their story I didn't mean to. I have never been on this website before and I haven't read anyone else's stories…**

**Enjoy!**

Prologue

The hole in my chest ripples, then burns at the edges. My heart is slowly being beaten to a pulp. I know I should look away, but I can't. I am paralyzed. I hear the little _pop_ my mouth makes when it drops. A whooshing noise reaches my ears and I realize that it's me. A sharp intake of breath.

I can feel the different emotions flash across my face. Anger. Disgust. Grief. Surprise. Desire. **Pain. **_Yup. That's me. Miss multiple personalities._

My attempt at levity was quickly squelched by my next thought.

_No… No… This isn't happening. Not again. NO!_ But it was. And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I try to move but all I can do is think_ What did I do to deserve this again? What did I do…_ My body sags and I search for words, but nothing can describe this.

"Bella…"

All I can think is _Get away from me!_ I want to scream it to the heavens, but my brain is still processing what just happened. What I just saw.

I straighten after what seems like hours of thinking the same things over and over again. _What did I do… Get away…_ _Not again…_

My eye twitches once and I am gone. I run as fast as my feet can carry me away from this place. I never want to be here again. I don't even want to think of it.

I shoot off the front porch and straight into the woods. Now, running at top speed for me of course involves a lot of tripping. Even if I'm not streaking through the woods. It started to become routine. Run. Trip. Get up. Repeat.

Tears were starting to bite my eyes, but I quickly blink to send them flying on their way. _Not here, not yet. There's a time and place for this and it's not sprinting through the woods at midnight._

I can faintly here my name being called in the distance. _Great, now I'm covered in bruises and I'm hallucinating._ _It can't be real now._

"Bella… Bella… BELLA! The line!" I want to answer, but all I will get are lies. Even if I am having delusions. Or worse, I'm not going crazy and what happened is the truth. I cringe at that thought and try to focus on not tripping. This did not happen.

I don't how long I kept running, but the only reason I stopped was because I was starting to dry heave and my eyes were so blurry with tears I could hardly see. I just couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't move. Couldn't think. Couldn't breath. The pain was too great.

So I did what anyone would've done in my situation.

I threw myself on the ground and curled into a ball bringing my knees all the way up to my chest. At first, I was only whimpering with silent tears carving paths on my cheeks. Sooner or later though, and it was most likely sooner, sobs racked my body and I felt like throwing up.

When the tears had carved their trails and I finally grew still, I looked at where I was. It came at me like a ton of bricks. I knew what I was going to do. I would…

**Ha Ha! You actually thought I was going to give half the plot line away in the prologue! You're as crazy as me. Well probably not, but anyhow. Let me give you a hint though, it's not what you think it is. Your first thought as to what's going on, yeah just hit it out of the park. Give the story a chance. I've had it in my head for a while so I just wanted to see how it looked on paper, or computer screen that is. Review! Criticism is widely appreciated! It helps me! Just please don't be rude about it! If you end up reviewing I will post another chapter sooner (: (: ( :**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so since prologues don't really count as chapters I decided to post this chapter sooner than I was planning on. So here ya! Review! Also I know it says chapter 2 on the contents, but its erally chapter 1. My bad!**

Chapter 1

"Bella, c'mon you have to!"

"I do not Ivy, and nothing you can do will _ever_ change my mind."

"But, Bella you're so good," she whined, "Remember at that bar Midnight Fever? You were a natural! You don't think I can here you when you're scrubbing dishes do you?"

"Ivy I was drunk! And you're supposed to be mopping the floors. Not listening to me belt out my feelings! " I practically screeched. What I did while I was washing dishes was my business.

"Yeah, but you were only a little bit drunk!"

"Ugghh! Did you listen to a word I said? Then again no probably not," I said mostly to myself. She's not going to let it go ever so I guess I might as well. "Whatever fine!"

"Thank you thank you thank you Bella!"

Friends. You love 'em, you hate 'em. But what kind of friend would she be if she didn't annoy the crap out of me? When I met her, she was the last person I ever expected to be friends with. Let alone her even acknowledge my existence. Then again, it had been an accident.

I was jobless in Seattle, I had used up most of my meager college fund and desperately needed money. I was job hunting when I found an add for a café called Heaven on Earth. It was all history after that.

_Waiting in line was not one of my specialties_. _Don't get me wrong I have lots of patience, just not standing up with tons of nerves in 50 degree weather. There were about 30 people here and only two spots were open._

_I wasn't exactly what you would call presentable either. I had a pair of jeans on and a dirty t-shirt. My hair was a tangled mess and I probably smelled like I took a shower in the sewer. I was the complete opposite of the girl in front of me._

_She had long blonde hair that smelled like flowers, not sewer, a pair of skinny jean on with silver ballet flats, and a royal blue, fitted shirt. _

_Feeling even worse after looking at her, I blushed a deep scarlet and looked down at my battered chucks. _There's no way I'm going to get this job_. Then an even worse thought popped into my mind._

_I'm going to have to go back to Forks. _

_If I don't land this job, I'm going to be flat broke. I'm going to be the village idiot crawling back to daddy. It's not that I don't love him, I love him more than my own life. I just needed to go. That's going to be a humiliating experience. I'm going to be the laughing stock of the whole t-_

_"Hello."_

_I looked up to see the blonde-haired girl staring intently into my face. I searched for some sort of sarcasm or someone else that she was talking to, but found none._

_"Ummm, hello were you t- talking to m- me," I stammered._

_"Duh, who else would I be talking to?"_

_"Ummm, not sure."_

_"Well, ok then. I'm Ivy."_

_"Bella," I answered casually._

_"Maybe we'll both get the job. Then I'll at least no one person here."_

_I stared at her incredulously wondering why in the world anyone would want to know me in the state I'm in._

_"I've know you for like thirty seconds," I responded._

_"Well… that's too bad. I know you well enough. Your names Bella and you've had a tough time."_

_That stopped me dead in my tracks. I gave her the only response I could muster up at this point in time._

"_Uhh, what?"_

"_Well you just look like you've been through a lot lately. You look like you could use a friend."_

"_Oh, uhh, thanks. I've had a hard year," I replied feeling more self conscious than I had in a long time._

"_No problem. Hey even if we don't both make it, maybe we could do something this weekend. See a movie, go shopping."_

_"No shopping please," I said, then realized how rude that sounded. "Unless of course you really want to."_

_"See this is why I wanted you to be my friend. You don't look like you're a girly girl. I hate shopping."_

_"That's great." I began studying my shoes again wondering why I wore something so shabby._

_"You're up."_

_"What?"_

_"It's you're turn."_

_Wow Bella. Smooth._

_"Uhhh thanks."_

_"Good luck."_

_"Yeah, uhhh, you too."_

I know this sounds cheesy, but we've been friends ever since.

Okay so if you're trying to figure out what's going on right now, its okay. So am I. My life is so screwed up right now, I make the bottom of soccer cleats look porcelain smooth.

It's all because of Him. I cringe and almost drop the coffee mug I'm scrubbing. I can't even think his name without my heart ripping it two. Without half of my soul being torn away. Without so much anger and hate being built up in me I want to explode.

I'm better, though. Not perfect, but better. Ever since I left Forks and started over, it's been a lot better.

_That's it._

_He's not coming back. _

_I fight back another sob and rub my already raw, bloodshot eyes. As if the mental pain isn't enough. My body is thin and gaunt. If I wear a tighter shirt, you can easily count my ribs. My cheeks stand prominently and my eyes are hallowed out. My hair is limp and dank. My skin is a sickly, pasty color. Sometimes, I'm even afraid to look in the mirror._

_I feel powerless and alone. The love I had for him, out numbered the stars. My heart was his forever and he threw it in the trash. He left me a broken shell of what I used to be. Every kiss, every touch, every _I love you _was all a lie. I was just a toy; something to be played with until he got bored._

_I slowly sat up in my bed and stared out into the miraculously clear night. The peaceful night sky was the complete opposite of the turmoil that was now in my life. The turmoil that's in Forks._

_That's why I'm leaving and never coming back to Forks. The idea was the equivalent to a slap in the face, but the only one I had. I've waited in torture long enough. It's time to go._

_I quickly grab the bag I had earlier stuffed with the essentials. This pathetically, small list consisted of clothes, toiletries, and what money I have. I snatch the car keys off my desk and quietly tiptoe down the steps. I dash through the living room and to the front door. As soon as I start to open the door to my new world, a single thought goes through my head._

_Charlie._

_I dart back into the kitchen and seize the grocery list hanging on the fridge. I quickly flip it over and begin to write. _

_Charlie,_

_I know you don't want to hear this, but I need to leave now. I need to get out of Forks. I just can't take the pain of being here and reliving the memory of his leaving every day. I'm so sorry; I know I'm doing to you exactly what he did to me, but I just can't do it anymore. It's torture being here. I need to get my life straightened out and then I will come back. Just promise me one thing don't become a broken shell like I did. Please stay full of life. Please forgive me._

_I'll love you forever,_

_Bella_

_And that's when the water works started. They flowed over my face in angry torrents and flooded the paper. I have hurt so many people in my life, but doing this one knowingly is a low blow. I will never be able to forgive myself after this. I will make it right, though. I will come back._

_Before I have time to change my mind, I sprint for my truck. _IfI am in God's good graces at all,_ I think as I slide onto the seat, _Charlie won't wake up. _I turn the key and back out of the driveway slowly. As soon as I'm on the road, I gun the engine._

_I can only go so fast without waking up the entire neighborhood, so once I hit the highway I push my truck to the limit. I go faster than I have ever gone before. Pouring on the speed and flying across the freezing tarmac, I feel like a new woman. Technically I am. I mean, I am running away, starting a new life, getting a new job, buying my own apartment._

_After about 5 hours of driving, I stop in Seattle for the night in one of those nasty old motels that let you stay for $30 a night and have cockroaches crawling around the room._

_I take one of the nastiest showers in my life then slowly crawl into bed, being mindful of the roaches._

_I close my eyes and think about what I'm going to do._ Whatever I _am_ going to do, it has to be soon. Tomorrow is gonna get interesting.

_With that last thought I drift off into Morpheus's arms._

_Focus Bella_, I tell myself. During my little day dream I had almost knocked the handle off a mug and put a chip into a bowl.

"Bella are you sure you want to do this? Cause I can always find someone else to. It can't be that hard. I can just c-"

"Ivy. Stop. It's okay. I can do it."

"Thanks again Bella," pause, "Well, my shift's over so I guess I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah."

"Okay. See ya!"

I need to get home so I actually have time to get ready. All my emotions are in a raging tornado. I know how I _should_ feel and how I _want_ to feel. That I know he will hurt me and that I still love Him. At the end of the day though, it's what's healthy for me, I guess. So I have to be over HIM and never be with him again. The latter part of that statement probably won't happen anyway, but it feels good to boldly think it anyway.

There's only one problem. The smallest part of me still loves him and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Oh well. I'm never going to see him again anyway so my love will just be smothered inside of me.

_Snap out of it Bella! Quit dwelling on the past! _Man I feel like I should slap my wrist or something.

I need to focus on the future. Especially tonight. I need to pick a song then start practicing it if I have any hope of sounding remotely good tonight.

Why Ivy thinks I'm a good singer, I will never know.

What she thinks and what I think doesn't matter anymore though. I'm singing at that bar again whether I like it or not. And this time, I'm not going to be drunk.

What have I gotten myself into.

**Ok so if you haven't figured it out yet the next chapter will be pretty much he summary for this book. Also, I want to have 5 total reviews before I post the next chapter! :) I know there are enough of you out there to do that! Thanks! ;) ;) ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey you guys reviewed really fast therefore, I am updating really fast. You guys are great! **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 2

"Why aren't you wearing any makeup," questioned Ivy.

"Because it makes me look strange," I replied.

"That's no excuse."

"Well if you want an excuse," I said as we walked into Midnight Fever, "I had to find a song to sing, make my self look sorta good, and I had to pick you up. I think those are some valid points."

Ivy is my best friend, but sometimes she is such a girl. The bizarre thing is though, is that she hates shopping. Other than that she's almost exactly the same as Al-

I did not just think that. I can't think about _them_. They are gone and they are never coming back. They left me broken hearted. They left me with nothing. They left me wi-

"Hey Bella, I have a good excuse for you to wear makeup."

"What Ivy?"

"Turn around," she murmured, "There are three incredibly hot guys and they're a-"

"Ivy, I've told you plenty of times. I don't date." _Anymore._

"Please, just look. Just this once," she paused, "Aw crap! Two girls just walked up to two of the guys. Well you can have the left over I guess."

"No."

"C'mon !"

"Fine, fine, fine I'll look!" Man she reminded me of… she who must not be named.

"I promise you won't regret it."

I half-heartedly turned around only to almost pass out. Standing not 20 feet away was Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and _HIM__**.**_

A slow smile spread across Alice's face and _His _grin was so blinding I'm surprised the bar wasn't on fire.

Two thoughts went though my head. One: _Huhhh_ and Two: _I need to leave now. I need to get out of here._

"So what do you think? You like," she asked raising her eyebrows.

"I think I'm still not dating," I stated as I spun around on my heel.

"But he's absolutely gorgeous!"

"Then you can have him."

"What? Seriously? OMG thank you soooo much! You're the best!"

She raced off giggling hysterically. I haven't giggled hysterically in years. I haven't done much anything in a few years, actually. I need to do something different tonight. I need to do something that I would never have normally done. I need to break out of my shell. I need to d-

"Hello."

I turned around to see a guy staring at me. A really cute guy. I mean this guy was so hot I thought he was a vampire at first. No, I need to snap out of it. I can't risk being broken up with and having to go through the pain of being left again.

I could feel Edward's gaze on the back of my neck, who knows why. He must have gotten tired of toying with someone else's emotions and came back to me. I was not going to fall for it this time. Maybe if he saw me with another guy he would get the message that I was almost over him. _Almost._

"Hey," I replied.

"So, you got a name?"

"Bella. You?"

"Jason. Hey you want to dance?"

I saw Edward shoot me confused, pained look. Wait pained? No I must be mistaken. That can't be a pained expression. He must be making fun of me. A wave of sadness crashed over me at this thought. In my peripheral vision I saw Jasper flinch.

"So do you want to?" After what I had just seen it took me all of two seconds to answer.

"Yeah sure I'd love to, but I might have to go d-"

"WILL BELLA SWAN PLEASE COME CENTER STAGE," boomed the loud speaker.

"I believe that's your cue," he told me.

"Yup."

I started away when I heard Jason call "Hurry back!"

I then did something I am not necessarily proud of. I gave him one of those super models stares and gave him a devilish little smile.

I got double the satisfaction of a) getting an elated smile from Jason and b) watching Edward's jaw drop. The latter was far superior.

I rushed up on to the stage and somehow managed not to wipeout. When I got up there a burly looking man handed me the mic. I thanked him then looked out across the audience. In the back I saw Emmett give me a small thumbs up and then a sarcastic smirk. Or maybe it was a smile of encouragement. Not sure, but I did the one thing they most likely didn't think I would do.

I grabbed the mic and shouted, "Hey people, are you having a good night?"

The audience roared its approval.

The thing about singing with me is that I have absolutely no stage fright. Not really sure why, but all my fear just evaporated on the spot. Bet they weren't expecting that.

"I have two songs I'm going to sing tonight and I am going to dedicate them to," I paused to look out over the audience and saw hope written all over HIS face, "Jason!"

I glanced back out and saw pain flash across HIS features. There it was again. The pain I had seen earlier. Either I'm crazy or he's actually mocking me. Again. I felt flutters of pity and regret down in my stomach because it really looked like pain.

Before I could think or say anything else the first notes of the first song played and I launched into the song.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
Leading you down into my core  
Where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without  
You can't just leave me  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
Got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
Don't let me die here  
There must be something more  
Bring me to life

(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
Bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
Before I come undone  
(Save me)  
Save me from the nothing I've become

(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life)

When I finished the audience bellowed its appreciation.

I took a bow then stepped up to the mic again.

"That last song was about my life two years ago," I heard a small gasp emanate from the crowd. "I had been going through a tough time and was dead to every one I cared about," I snuck a glance at the Cullen's and was shocked to see pure fear etched into every one of there faces. I continued, "This next song, is about the choices and decisions I have come to since then and how my life has improved!"

The Cullen's looked distraught; every single one of them except for _him _was giving me this funny looked like they actually cared about what happened to me. _He_ was just staring at the floor while Ivy prattled on and on about who knows what next to _him_.

Poor girl, she needed to try for someone who would actually acknowledge her existence. She seemed really into him though. Wait, did _he _just say something to her. I looked over at Ivy and saw that her face was glowing. I peeked at the rest of the Cullen's and they seemed to be suppressing laughs. What in the world is going on?

Why is _he _talking to Ivy? No, I should be happy for Ivy. If I should be happy, then why do I feel like crying and throwing up at the same time? They left me. They don't care about me.

The music started to play and I threw myself at the song with all of my heart.

Grew up in a small town  
And when the rain would fall down  
I'd just stare out my window  
Dreaming of what could be  
And if I'd end up happy  
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out  
But when I tried to speak out  
Felt like no one could hear me  
Wanted to belong here  
But something felt so wrong here  
So I prayed I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly  
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky  
And I'll make a wish  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway  
Out of the darkness and into the sun  
But I won't forget all the ones that I love  
I'll take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze  
Sleep under a palm tree  
Feel the rush of the ocean  
Get onboard a fast train  
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)  
And breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly  
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky  
And I'll make a wish  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway  
Out of the darkness and into the sun  
But I won't forget all the ones that I love  
I'll take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors  
Swinging around revolving doors  
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but  
Gotta keep moving on, moving on  
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings  
And I'll learn how to fly  
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye  
I gotta take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway  
Out of the darkness and into the sun  
But I won't forget the place I come from  
I gotta take a risk  
Take a chance  
Make a change  
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Yet again, I was smothered with a standing ovation. After all I have been through, this one experience has lifted my spirits. I am happier than I have been in a long time. I feel like if I jumped I might accidently hit the moon.

I peered back at the Cullen's to see they were cheering the loudest. ? What the heck? They don't care about me. Well Alice might, but that's it. I turned my gaze toward Alice and she was jumping up and down at least two feet off the ground and clapping her hands so fast they were blurry.

Before I could decide to do something I would certainly regret, I ran off the, stage miraculously without tripping, and straight into Jason's arms.

"Hey you did great!"

"Thanks!"

"You want to go get some drinks?"

Last time I had drank at a bar, I ended up dancing on stage with some loser that apparently wanted me. A LOT. I felt like I could trust Jason, though. He seemed nice enough. "Sure."

We ran over to the bar and downed many drinks. About an hour later, I was so drunk I literally was falling off my chair.

"Watch it there Bella. Are you okay?"

"Never better," I slurred.

"If you're so fine then let's go dance."

"Okay."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the dance floor. If I was sober I never would have danced like I did then. If I was sober, I probably would have been embarrassed out of my mind.

I didn't realize until after 15 minutes of extremely naughty dancing that every one of the Cullen's were dancing circles around us. So were Ivy and _him_. They're circle secluded us from everyone else.

Emmett was grinning at me like he thought he'd never been happier to see me. Rose just look annoyed to be here at all. Jasper looked like he was deeply concentrated, probably trying to get me to forgive them. Alice looked at me pleadingly with pain in her large golden eyes. _He _looked at me lie brokenly with pain splashed across his face.

There it was. That pain again. _Why?_

I still loved him, but I didn't want to be with him. I knew he would break my heart if I ever tried to. I needed to let him know that I was over _us._ That I couldn't take all the pain anymore.

How I proved this, shocked even me.

Smallish cliffy. You might even be able to figure it out what happens! I want 13 reviews total before I post the next chapter! I have 6 right now so that's only 7 more! Thanks! ;) ;) ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so I'm warning you now that this is mainly a filler chapter. It definitely doesn't live up to the other chapters either, but I still think it's pretty good.**

**Enjoy! **

Chapter 3

…_How I proved this shocked even me…_

I locked eyes with HIM and did something I still regret to this day.

I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue, I wrapped myself around Jason so close you couldn't slip a piece of paper between us, and kissed him with so much passion the bar should've been up in flames. Boy was I drunk. **(A/N sorry I know it's predictable, but what can you do?)**

Of course it wasn't real passion. I think you actually have to know the person for it to be real passion. Kind of like how it _was_ with me and HIM. How I still wish it was.

His lips were warm and sweet, but tasted like booze. I couldn't help comparing Jason to HIM. Warm, cold. Mortal, immortal. HE had to hold back and refrain from even opening his mouth. With Jason, I could just keep on going and going and g-

What am I doing? OMIGOD WHAT AM I DOING! _I'm proving myself to him. I'm proving that I am over us. I'm proving I don't care that he left_, I thought half heartedly.

The only problem was, was that I wasn't. I couldn't stop thinking about that one small part of me that still loved him. The part of me that wanted to reach out and comfort him when pain tore up his face. The part of me that fluttered with regret when I dedicated my song to Jason.

This is wrong. This is the wrong way to do this. I never should've done this. I know he's just playing me, but this is just…cruel.

I am never drinking this much ever again.

I quickly broke apart from Jason while fighting back tears of shame.

"I'm so sorry," I muttered, "But I can never see you again."

Before he could answer I sprinted for the bathroom, tears blurring my eyesight. I entered, then raced to the back stall. I knelt down on the disgusting floor, and puked my guts out into the toilet. This is what I get for kissing that loser. And drinking so much.

What's wrong with me?

I heard someone knock on the door. Probably some high girl who wants to make out with her boyfriend. Not today, pal. It's my turn to cry my eyes out.

"Bella?"

"Go away," I moaned.

"It's Ivy, but if you really want me to…"

"Come in, come in."

The stall door flew open and in stepped Ivy. She stared at me for two seconds then came down and gave me a hug. "Bella, what happened to you?"

What happened to me? My vampire boyfriend told me he didn't love meanymore after thousands of times telling me that he did. Then he left me in the woods to die. Said boyfriend left me a shell of what I used to be and is the reason I ran away. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!

Now this is what I actually said.

"I made a HUGE mistake that I'll never be able to fix and it's all because I moved to Forks. I wish I never had."

"Wait, that's where you lived before you moved here right?"

"Yeah and I loved spending time with my dad, but there's someone I met that I will forever regret dating."

"Dating? You said dating."

"What? That's ridiculous. I said meeting."

"Did not! You said dating," pause, "Wait you also said you will _forever regret_ dating this person."

I sighed. "Let's say I did say dating. Okay well I did."

"I knew it! I knew it!"

"I'm going to tell you the real reason I left Forks. If you can't handle it deal with it."

"Okay," she replied uneasily. It sounded more like a question than an agreeance.

I launched into the story. I told it with complete sincerity and truth, sans all the vampire stuff.

I told how love had been won and lost. How my friendship with Alice meant the world to me and that if I ever met her again I would forgive her. I told her how I would never be with HIM if I ever met him again. I told her how I would never be able to have a regular relationship again with any guy.

She looked at me with great pity in her eyes the whole time I told her my soap opera worthy story. I swear she even teared up a little when I told her how he left me.

"Bella you never mentioned his name. What was it?"

"Ivy I think you know."

I watched her as she thought and slowly comprehension passed over her face.

"Edward?"

Pain tore my mind in half. One half would never love him the same ever again. The other wanted to run to him and beg for forgiveness and hoped he would have me again.

It must have been written all over my face because Ivy was suddenly explosive.

"OMIGOD? That jerk was the guy I was hitting on? OMIGOD! I have to… I have to…" she suddenly stood up and started walking hurriedly away.

"Umm, Ivy. Where are you going?"

"I'm going to kick his ass. What else would I be doing?"

"Ivy I really appreciate it, but I don't think that that's going to work," she was already gone.

Ivy against Edward. Ivy might actually stand a chance. What I mean by that is that she probably won't be humiliated instantaneously. Knowing her she will probably scream some pretty nasty things at him and then attempt to punch him. This will more than likely not go over well.

Ivy was extremely tough. I remember the first time we had been mugged after seeing a movie. She practically hit that guy into next month.

We had just finished a movie and were walking to our car. It was only about 10:30, but that was no excuse for Seattle muggers.

"_Bella can you toss me the keys?"_

"_Sure," I dug through my purse until I finally found them. When I was about to toss them to Ivy, I looked and saw that there was a guy creeping up behind her._

"_Ivy watch out," I shrieked. She quickly turned around and began talking to the creepo._

"_Who are you?"_

"_None ya business. Gimme ya money or things are gonna get real ugly real fast." I watch in horror as he pulls out lethal looking knife._

"_Okay just give me a minute to get my wallet," she said as she began digging through her purse._

_She gave me a small wink then snapped out her back leg right into the dude's stomach. He doubled over and Ivy took that opportunity to spin around and land another kick right in the guy's face. He flew onto his back and started moaning as his knife skittered ten feet away. _

"_Tossmethekeys," she screeched._

_I tossed her the keys and she quickly unlocked the car and turned it on. _

_I just stared at her open mouthed. _

" _Are you coming or not," she questioned me._

_I jumped into the car, my whole body shaking._

"_Are you okay," she asked me._

"_Am I okay? Am I okay? I just watched you beat the crap out of that mugger and you're asking me if I'm okay!"_

"_Yeah. Bella I think you're in shock."_

_I glanced back down at my still shaking hands._

"_Yeah I think I am, but Ivy. How did you do that?"_

"_When you live in Seattle you gotta know how to kick ass."_

I giggled to myself at that memory. It had shocked me so much that Ivy was even capable of handling a mugger. She didn't even swat the flies that buzzed around the room.

There were two sides to Ivy. There was the one that was nice even to those annoying food sample guys in the mall. The other was the one that would defend any friend for anything. Even if it meant beating the crap out of someone. Hence the humiliated mugger.

Ivy reminded me so much of Alice it hurt. UUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

"I can't take it anymore!" I shrieked to no one in particular.

I threw myself on the disgusting bathroom floor and cried my eyes out. All the tears I had been holding back since I'd met Ivy were now starting to make a puddle on the floor.

I cried for the Cullen's. I cried about how I had missed them. I cried about how I now resented them. I cried out of anger, sorrow, grief, pain. I cried for no reason in particular. All I knew was that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the cascade of tears.

A knock on the stall door brought me to a pause.

"You know you can come in Ivy."

"I'm not Ivy, but I'm still coming in anyway."

I stood up against the wall and waited to see who was coming to make fun of me.

The door seemed to open in slow motion. Before me stood the one person I was willing to forgive.

All of a sudden the ground was rushing up toward my face.

The last thing I remember is cool arms wrapping around me and the wind whooshing past me.

Alice.

**Again smallish cliffy if you really think about, but it really is small. I think I want… 23 reviews before I post another chapter. You guys are great you already gave me 13 so that's only ten more. I know you can do it! ;) ;) ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay so since one reviewer claims that her/his review counted as five I am now posting another chapter.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 4

Thunk…Squeak…Vrooommm

THUMP!

My breath rushes out of my lungs as I struggle to sit up. My elbow hits the back of a seat and my foot kicks the side of a car door. Wait…the side of a door? Why am I in a car? Where am I? Who's driving? Did I just roll off the seat?

Omigod… I think I'm being kidnapped. This explains everything. Why I was unconscious or sleeping or whatever. Why I rolled off the back seat. Why I' m in a moving car that I'm not driving. Not to mention the fact that it's not Ivy's car.

Oh no. Ivy. Where is she? Well obviously not here.

I need to call 911. Where's my phone. Oh yeah it's in my jeans pocket. I silently reach into my pocket and… nothing.

Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno. I search frantically around the small space of the back seat to no avail. This is not good. Really, really not good. I lay my head down gently, facing the driver's seat and begin to tear up. This could be it. This really could be the end. After being attacked by vampires and cliff diving the way I' going to die is by kidnapping. Definitely not good.

I'll never be able to say goodbye to Ivy. She has no idea how much good she has done for me. She has been my therapist with out even knowing. She's helped me recuperate through a break up that most people don't have to go through. If I ever see you again Ivy, thank you. I will forever be in your debt.

_Edward. _His name sent chills up my spine. Chills of anger. Chills of depression. Chills of desire. On one hand I hated his guts. On the other hand, a very small hand I might add, I wanted him here now more than ever. If he had never left, he would have saved me by now.

If I weren't being kidnapped right now, I would have groaned very loudly. But I was. Instead, I opened my eyes as wildly and as madly as I could.

And there was my phone. Right underneath the drivers seat. Wow Bella, wow.

Cautiously, I stretched out my stiff arm and reached underneath the seat. Slowly inch by inch I got closer and closer until-

"Gotcha," cried a husky voice.

"Ahhhhhhhh! Let go of my wrist," I screeched. I tried to shake my wrist out of my kidnapper's cold, iron grip in vain. As hard as I pulled, my wrist wouldn't budge. Wait a minute cold, iron grip. Husky voice.

Oh no this is even worse than being kidnapped. I gathered all my power of voice and all my courage and in one loud bellow screamed, "EMMETT LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!"

"No need to shout Bella, all you need to do is ask," came another high pitched voice. Alice.

A squeak of fear escaped my lips.

"C'mon guys your scaring her." Jasper.

I wish I had thought to look in the passenger seat before I had even begun to look for my phone. Then I could have just started to rant until they got annoyed and dropped me off on the side of the highway. I know it's what they want.

Where's Jasper though?

"Jasper, where are you," I asked while climbing back onto the seat.

"Turn around," a voice came from behind me.

I jumped and hit my head on the top of the car. Ouch.

"Don't do that," I stated angrily towards the trunk.

"Bella what's your problem today," asked Alice, "You seem like you're in a bad mood."

"What's my problem," I said gaining a few octaves, "My problem is that I woke up in a car thinking I was being kidnapped when it was actually something worse. Three vampires that absolutely despise are driving me god knows where, and to top it all off I have a hangover."

"Bella," began Alice, "We don't hate you, that's why we came back for you. Were taking you back you back to Forks so you and Edward can-"

"Alice save it. One, I know you hate me. You don't have to lie. Two, don't even think about taking me back to that hellhole. Nothing, but absolute crap has ever happened to me there. And three, don't even think about trying to hook us back up together because it's not going to happen!"

"But Bella-"

"ALICE SHUT UP! TAKE ME BACK TO SEATTLE AND LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? DID YOU GET BORED AGAIN!

Crestfallen. That's the only word I could come up with to describe her face.

"Bella, honestly, we don't know what your talking about. He told us we were leaving to protect you," protested Emmett.

"Yeah, Bella," Jasper said finally speaking up, "He made us leave."

"That's what he told," I said using my scary calm voice. I could practically feel the tension in the air. "He told you he was protecting me and he made you leave?"

I was suddenly an atomic bomb.

"HE LIED! ARE YOU GUYS REALLY THAT STUPID? YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE PROTECTING ME? HE LEFT ME IN THE WOODS TO DIE! HE LEFT ME BROKEN HEARTED! HE LEFT ME A SHELL OF WHAT I USED TO BE! HE LEFT ME!"

A wave of calm suddenly flowed over my body. I felt like taking a nap.

The last thing I remember before I drifted to sleep is murmuring, "Jasper no fair," and the quiet chuckles of my vampire chauffeurs.

I woke up on a pristine white couch hearing, "Go! Go! Go! Yeah TOUCH DOWN!"

"Emmett, shush, she's awake now."

I slowly opened me eyes to find another pair of molten, yellow staring back at me. I leaped up off the couch, frightened and then I realized where I was.

I was at the Cullen's house. In Fork's.

Oh No.

I slowly started backing up until I hit a wall.

"Take me home. Please," I begged.

"Bella why on Earth would you want to go back to Seattle," questioned Alice.

"Because that's where my home is. That's where my life is…"

"That's where you kissed that loser Jason," piped Emmett.

"Ignore him. But, Bella we're here. We just got you back. You can't just leave us now."

"It's not like you didn't leave me," I replied nastily, "Alice what's the real reason I'm here? I know you don't care for me at all."

"Bella we told you, he made us leave. We never wanted to. We love you and all of us consider you as a sister."

What I did when she said that, I will probably end up regretting.

I raced at her full speed and wrapped my arms around her. She timidly returned the hug and said, "Thank you for understanding us Bella. Bella, you have to believe us, we didn't want to leave."

"Alice I believe you and I forgive you, but how could you just et up and leave with him. Did you honestly believe that I would be okay with all of this," I said stepping back.

Ignoring the latter she asked,"You forgive all of us?"

"No," then realized my mistake as I saw Emmett's face fall, "I forgive all of you, but HIM."

"Awwww, group hug," said Emmett.

Piece of advice. If any vampire says 'Group hug' and there are other vampires in the room. Run. It is not fun being squished between three vampires. Trust me.

"But Bella," Alice said stepping back, "why don't you forgive Edward?"

"I never can Alice not after what he did to me. Never."

"Umm Bella," Alice started.

"What, Alice?"

"He's going to be here in 30 seconds."

"What," I practically screeched.

"We have to hide you. We weren't supposed to interfere with your life anymore…"

"The kitchen," shouted Jasper for the first time in awhile.

"Perfect," cried Alice, "there's no reason for our kind to go into the kitchen, let alone have one."

I blinked and I was suddenly in the kitchen with Alice standing next to me.

"Try to make your heartbeat quieter," she whispered and she was gone.

Yes because that's what I do I my spare time.

I heard the door open, as my heart sped up, then slam shut causing me jump.

"Alice, Emmett, Jasper? What are you doing here," HE asked in confusion.

"Just came to get a few things," Alice lied with perfection.

"Yeah me to."

"What do you need."

"I just wanted to stop and get some of my mother and father's keepsakes in my box on top of the fridge. I don't think I'm ever going to come back here."

My heart skipped a beat and my body froze.

"Wait, Edward, NO," yelled Alice.

The door seemed to open in slow motion and suddenly HE was standing in the doorway.

"Bella," relief seemed to fill his voice. Relief or some mocking version of it.

He raced over to my side his hands twitching like they wanted to cup my face.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. All I wanted to do was protect you. Please forgive me. Can't you understand?"

I thought about that for half a second.

"No. I tried to show you at Midnight Fever that we are over," I saw pain split his face. There it was again. That fake, mocking pain, "and obviously you didn't get the clue!"

I then did one of my more stupid stunts I did in a while.

I pulled my arm back, made a fist, and slammed it into his face. I know it didn't hurt him. I also know I probably broke all the bones in my hand, but it felt good punching him. I watched as agony ripped across his face and continued.

"Edward, I will never be able to forgive. After you put me though hell, how could I? You know what, I was regretting kissing Jason to tell you I was over us, but now I'm glad I did you jerk!"

That was the hardest sentence I've ever had to say in my life. It slashed my heart in half to say it out loud. His reaction was even harder to watch. As soon as I said it I wanted to take it back. I never wanted to be with HIM again, but I still loved HIM.

Clutching my broken hand and tears biting my eyed, I ran out the front door into the pounding rain.

**Ok so that should satisfy you for a couple days. I am really busy this week so I may not have enough time to update, but if I had some encouragement (aka reviews) I might 'find time'.**

**Review! ;) ;) ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sooooooo sorry I haven't updated in a really long time! I've had volleyball camp and this high school entrance test preparation class this past week and I have it all next week too. If you have any advice for either I would love to know! By the way, this is like part one of this chapter (aka I didn't have that much time to write a chapter so it's really short).**

**Enjoy! **

Chapter 5

I was instantly soaked. The rain was hitting me at full blast due to the high winds. I felt like was running under water and in place, but was actually swiftly approaching the woods.

With my sneakers squelching I burst through the tree branches and dove into the eerie woods. Moonlight leaked through the tallest trees and washed the forest in hues of black and white. The tallest pines danced in the furious wind. Alligator-like logs rolled around on the ground. The wind bit at my back as if to say 'Hurry up! Get away from this place as fast as you can!' Rain wasn't falling in sheets, but was still enough to set my teeth shattering and my whole body shook with the chills.

That, or sobs.

I was fully aware that I was crying, but didn't know if tears were just spilling over or if I was become a human waterfall. Noise and all. The ferocity of the storm blocked out most sound so there was no way to tell.

I suddenly became very short of breath and broke into a walk. I ambled around for the longest time. For all I knew, I had entered a parallel universe where time stood still. If the parallel universe was real then that would explain why the Cullen's cared about me. Or at least acted like the cared about me.

No block it out. I shouldn't be thinking about them. Especially now that I've finally made it clear I don't want to be with them. I think.

Lightning suddenly split the sky in two and a thunder crack equivalent in sound to an atomic bomb sounded. _I need to leave. The storm's intensifying. Where am I supposed to go, though? There's no way I can go home, I have no idea if any of my friends are still here, and I am NOT going back to the Cullen's and HIM._

THROB. My hand pulsed with pain again as I sat down onto a log that had a small rock outcropping above. I really need to see a doctor. There has to be at least four broken bones and I really wouldn't be surprised if I shattered something. It was worth it. It felt good to punch HIM. To bad he won't bruise. I want him to look in the mirror and get a glimpse of what I have been going through on the inside for the past three years.

Over a course of about 30 minutes, the rain rapidly slowed down and finally transformed to an almost transparent mist.

Since I can distinguish my surroundings now, I decide to start walking again. I get off the log I'd been sitting on, crack my head on the stone above me and begin to wander aimlessly through the colorless woods. Occasionally I tripped, but mostly I was walking rote. Only when the sun began to peek across the horizon did I realize how long I'd been in the woods.

I ran out of the Cullen's at about 10:30 last night and it has to be at least 6:30 now. Wow. 8 hours. I was in the woods for eight hours just walking around with a royally broken hand. Dang.

When the sun was about midway up its climb to the sky, the trees began to thin out and I was out of the woods. Just like that. After wandering around for approximately 4 hours, I was finally out. The only problem was that I had come out behind my old school. The hospital was about 30 miles away.

Better start walking now.

As I walked, I thought. I thought about Ivy and if I was ever going to see her again. I thought about Alice, Emmett and Jasper and how I had sort of made up with them. I thought about how good it felt to take out my anger on something that was indestructible. How I could just keep doing it over and over again. I thought about HIM and how I wanted to love HIM and hate HIM at the same time. I sighed out loud and continued my trek to the hospital.

When I finally made it, the sun was smiling down at me from above and my legs felt like they were about to fall off. I practically crawled through the sliding doors and signed in at the front desk. I lumbered over to an unnaturally hard chair and plopped down.

I didn't read any of the celebrity magazines. I didn't watch the cartoons on the itsy bitsy TV hanging in the corner. And believe me, I did not play with the little blocks on the floor. I just sat and stared at the sterile white walls, attempting to stay awake.

I barely heard it when the nurse called me back to take the x-rays. I let her lead me back through the labyrinth of hallways and into a small claustrophobic room. She stretched my fingers out painfully and laid them flat on the table. By the time she left the room my eyes were slits. The machinery started to drone and buzz. There were small little clicks here and there, but other wise it was a very calming ordeal.

When we were done Nurse Hazel (she had a very helpful name tag on) lead me back down the hall and to yet another small claustrophobic room. Except this time the room had wall paper fish on it. When Nurse Hazel gently shut the door, I crawled onto the table with the white paper covering.

I brought my knees up to my chest and rolled over so that I was looking at the opposite wall. It had a scale pushed up against disgusting mustard yellow walls. There were posters with the anatomy of the body and pictures of big smiley facings for the little kids so they don't get too freaked out.

Too late.

I hear some little kid initiate screaming down the hall. Not that I hate kids, but they're just so gross sometimes. They have full diapers and boogers hanging out of they're noses and it's just so…unpleasant.

The scream was abruptly cut off by a mother cooing to the child. There was also another male voice that was extremely soothing. It seemed sort of familiar, but I couldn't place it. Hmmmm…

The voices stopped and for a minute I thought I had imagined the whole experience, but then a feeling of realization washed over me.

I'm at the hospital. I heard a soothing voice in the room next to me. That voice sounded male and familiar.

Oh crap.

**So not really a cliffy cause it's like reallyyyyyy obvious, but still… Okay so like I said before I'm really busy this coming week again. So I really do need encouragement again (aka reviews)**

**Review! ;) ;) ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

_Knock. Knock._

_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What do I do? I can't let him see me. Or I can't let myself see him. I know I'll fall for whatever game he's going to play. I can't keep playing the Cullen's games. Maybe I'm just imagining things. Yes, this can't be Carlisle's hospital. Why would he still be working here anyway? They left. I'm sure he's working at some big fancy hospital in LA or New York._

_Something else crossed my already spinning mind. Alice had been planning on intercepting HIM at the house all along. She can see the future. She would've seen HIM coming long before HE had actually made it there._

_Why am I so thick?_

_Knock. Knock._

_Oh no. Wait remember, you're just overreacting. A normal doctor is going to walk through that door and tell me I shattered every single bone in my hand and I'm going to say that I… I… I punched a rock after a bad breakup. _

_I'm not very creative, am I?_

"Come in," I called sounding more steady than I thought I would.

The first thing that I saw was Nurse Hazel coming in with my x-rays. The next thing I saw was, nothing. No one came in behind her.

"Hello… Miss Swan," she said leafing through papers, "What happened here?"

"I, uhh, punched a rock."

"Are you sure, nothing else happened. It isn't very easy to break all the bones in your hand with one punch. You weren't in a fight? No one is hurting you are they?"

"I'm positive," I managed holding back laughs. She hadn't seen the kind of rock I'd punch. "Am I going to need a cast or a brace?" I asked.

"A cast, definitely," said a smooth, male voice.

Crap.

Without my even noticing Dr. Carlisle Cullen had walked into the room. I suddenly became very interested in my dirt encrusted shoes.

"Ahhh, Bella. How good to see you. How have you been?

Dead silence.

"You two no each other?" asked Nurse Hazel.

"You could say that we've had some sleepless nights together."

She froze in place for half a second then said, "Oh wow! Excuse me, I'll just, uhh, leave you two alone then," she moved out of the room faster that I thought possible while blushing a deep scarlet.

"Wait no! Not like that!" I tried to call out but to no avail. "Really? Of all the jokes you could've made about vampires, you chose that one"

"I needed something to get her out of here quickly."

"I want another doctor. I don't want to walk out of this hospital with everyone looking at me like I'm a perv."

"You know that I know that you don't want me to be your doctor for more than just that reason."

I decided to stick with the original idea, than to delve further into this. "Would you want to be like a perv who just shacked up in the examining room with their doctor?"

A deep sigh from Carlisle blew air across my face. I swore I heard him say next, "Bella what's happened to you?" I decided to stay quiet.

" It looks like you fractured all the bones in your right hand, but knowing you I'm assuming you probably fell when broke your hand so I'm going to take a CT scan to make sure nothing else is going on up there," he pointed towards my head while saying this.

I slid off the side of the examining table and followed him out the door into a long corridor. I trailed at least ten feet behind and even without Jasper's super emotional powers I could feel the 'confused' vibes rolling off of him in waves.

After two right turns and a left we walked into a room labeled CT SCANNING ROOM CAUTION WEAR PROTECTIVE GEAR. He directed me toward the long claustrophobic tube that was my scanner. He laid a heavy lead blanket over my body then informed me that we could talk and 'catch up' during the ten minutes that this would take.

Great.

"So Bella, what happened here?"

"Oh yeah, like you don't already know," I sneered viciously.

"Should I know?"

"Don't play dumb with me you traitor!"

Real frustration passed over his face and he used the very same scary calm voice I had used back at the bar as he said, "Bella as your doctor I am ordering you to tell me what happened."

"You wouldn't believe me. I've changed in ways you could've never imagined. I'm not the same fragile little girl you jerks played with two years ago."

"Bella tell me now."

"I punched him."

"Jason?"

"Carlisle, I punched Edward."

"Oh. Well that would explain the shattered hand. Bella you know how our kind are. Why would you do such a thing?"

"I told you I've changed. I'm not going to be played with like an oversized Barbie doll again. I am tough now. So I showed him how I felt."

There was silence for awhile as the machine clicked and beeped away. What was he thinking about? His perfect features gave nothing away.

"Bella, listen to me. I'm not the one misunderstanding, you are. Have you even thought about why he left? You know in your heart that he wouldn't just leave you. Edward isn't the type of person that would just leave you. Certainly he told you. Why wouldn't he? He wouldn't lie to us, his family. Would he?"

For the duration of the latter half of our conversation he seemed to be talking to himself. Hmmmm, what's going on?

"Carlisle, I want to believe you," I said quietly, "but I can't. You have no idea the amount of suffering I went through. The scars I have that will never go away," I suddenly burst out, " YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE DONE TO ME! I CAN'T STAND TO EVEN LOOK AT YOUR FACE WITHOUT SEEING HIM AND MY HEART RIPPING IN TWO."

I need to leave before I get too attached. Again

I rolled off the table and climbed out of the ten foot, white tube of death. I began marching towards the door and stopped dead when I heard a sharp intake of breath. Nothing surprises vampires. Ever.

Wind whooshed across me face and he next thing I knew Carlisle was standing in front of me, hands grasping my shoulders.

"You have to come with me now."

"No I'm not going anywhere with you. Not now, not ever again. Didn't you hear my rant?"

"Bella listen to me. You have an extremely rare head injury that can be caused by trauma to the head. Please tell me that you didn't hit your head on anything and that the scans are just wrong."

I thought back to my journey from the club to the house and finally the woods. I was fairly positive I hadn't tripped, fallen, or hit my head at the club or house. I tried to think through the hazy memories I had of the woods.

I wandered. I cried. It was raining. I slept. I slept, that's it when I got up I hit my head on the rock outcropping.

"Yeah, I hit my head."

"On what?"

"Umm a rock in the woods."

"I'll ask later. How long ago did this happen."

"By now, at least ten hours. Why?"

"Dammit. Bella you have a subdermal hematoma."

"English please."

"Your brain is bleeding and you need surgery right away. If you refuse I guarantee you will die in less than three hours."


	8. Chapter 8

"Where's the paper?" I asked.

"What paper?" questioned Carlisle confused.

"The paper that I can sign that says 'I am refusing medical treatment against the doctor's orders,'" I said in a mocking voice.

"Bella you can't be serious. That's suicidal!"

"Don't you think I know that!" I shrieked, "This is what I've wanted for two years now! An easy way out that my family would accept. They'll believe I died of my own clumsiness because that's how I've always been," tears started to prick at my eyes, "You have no idea what its like to be left by the people who said they loved you over and over again and that they would never leave. You don't know anything about me anymore. If you don't give me those papers, I'll leave here anyway."

"Okay, Okay. Calm down Bella. It's okay. I'll give you the papers, but if you commit suicide I'm fairly sure half our family would too."

"Carlisle with all due respect SHUTUP! That's crap and you know it. Remember, none of you care about me. I was the pawn in your immortal game of chess. When you lost, you left me on the table and didn't even bother to pick me up and put me back in the box."

"Bella, he really didn't tell you why we left?" asked Carlisle soothingly.

"No the crap bag didn't, but I figured it out by myself."

"Oh good so you know."

_No, ummm ideas, ideas, ideas besides the obvious,_ "Yes he wanted a vampire wife. Not a human one."

"Bella you just made that up."

"So what if I did. It doesn't change the fact that he left me. Alone."

I opened the door and started to move down the hall when Carlisle called out, "Fine leave, but if you don't take the surgery I'll call Edward and get him to make you take it. I guarantee you he will come down here. And I know you don't want to see him. Right?"

That got my attention. I turned around, walked right up into his face and said in a low voice, "You wouldn't."

He pulled out his phone and said, "Watch me."

"Yeah right," I called. I turned around to start walking down the hall again when I heard Carlisle speak, "Edward? Hello, how have you been… Oh well, you probably shouldn't do that…"

I ran as fast as I could without falling on my face back to the room and scream whispered, "I'll do the surgery, just please don't tell him I'm here."

He held up one finger to say 'wait' then continued speaking into the phone, "No I haven't seen Bella Have you… Most peculiar… Alice saw what… I'll let you know if I see her…" and he snapped the phone shut.

The words threw themselves out of my mouth, "I'lltakethesurgery!Youdidn'tellhimIwasheredidyou?"

"Bella calm down. No, I didn't tell him you were here, but Alice just saw a vision of you and I having this very conversation. Sooner or later he'll figure out you're here and we can't have him near you, for your own mental safety. If you want the surgery it needs to be now."

"Oh God he's on his way here?"

"Most likely."

"Take me now."

He slung me over his shoulder and ran threw the hospital like lightning. We ended up in an OR bleached of all color. He gently laid me down on an operating table just below a blinding light. The last thing I remembered was the anesthesia mask descending down on my face and my handing throbbing in time with my heart.

Carlisle POV

"Now preparing to place the skull back in place," I muttered to myself.

No one else was helping me with this case. This particular case I needed to do alone. Not that I needed the extra help. No one else would really understand.

I grasped the scalpel and gingerly placed the skull cap back in place. Just a regular old brain bleed, Carlisle. So what if you're a pile of ashes if you lose her. So what if the past two years would've been for nothing if she dies.

Pulling the 'I'll call Edward if you don't comply' had been a good one. He hadn't even called Edward. He'd just pretended to. No one had had any contact with Edward for the past two years. I don't think she even punched Edward to shatter all the bones in her hand. If she doesn't want to tell me what actually happened, fine.

I worked in silence for the next half hour. I lost myself in my work as I did every other patient. I was always a perfectionist when it came to being a doctor and still am. If something was even slightly wrong everything had to be done over until it was correct.

Silence again. I re-fixed the skull cap as I had put it in a seventy-sixth of an inch in wrong. The biting scent of anesthesia and sterile hospital utensils filled my nostrils as I took my fourth breath in six hours. Sometimes it's good we don't have to breathe and sometimes its better we do.

I decided to take another breath for the cameras up in the corner so that they didn't think a corpse was operating. I inhaled a big theatrical breath while puffing my chest out.

Anesthesia.

Sterile utensils.

Honey.

Honey?

Vampire. Who smells like Honey? Not anyone I've seen recen- EDWARD!

I immediately covered Bella's face with the blanket that was covering the rest of her body and shut down any thought about who I was operating on.

4.238 seconds later the door flew open with the most worried Edward I've ever. Me being his adoptive father I did the one thing I probably shouldn't have done. I completely ignored his face.

"Carlisle, I know that you know I'm here," he stated.

"I obviously do, but I'm in the middle of a fairly complicated surgery so maybe you could come back at a later date," I rushed.

"Carlisle, I need to ask you something now. This can't wait."

"Edward how did you even get in here?"

"With my magic spidey powers. How do you think I got in here?"

"Well I suppose that wasn't the smartest of questions, but Edward you really need to go. Right now."

"CARLISLE!"

I blinked. I had never seen him this mad before. The look on his face almost made me lose my concentration. I finally set down the utensils I was holding and walked over to Edward.

"Edward make this fast or I will kick you out of here myself."

"Have you seen… Bella?" his face twitching as he said her name.

I put on a mask of surprise, "Why would I have seen Bella?"

"She punched me in the face back at the house and Alice said you were going to be her doctor."

Whoa. Alice actually had a vision about her showing up here? Bella actually punched him? Ow.

"Well obviously I'm not. I've been with this patient all day," I gestured towards her and that's when I noticed Bella's name was up on the heart monitor.

As the thought ran through my head, Edward had already gone over to Bella and lifted the blanket to uncover her face.

His face was a mask of pain as he said brokenly, "What… happened… here…?"

"Edward I'm so sorry…"

"IS SHE HAVING NEUROLOGICAL SURGERY?" he exploded.

"Yes and-"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!" he roared.

"Edward there was no time. She needed surgery or she was going to die."

"You… could've… called," at this he sank to his knees and his hands cradled his face. If vampires could've cried I'm sure he would've been bawling.

"Edward she didn't want you to know. She wasn't going to take the surgery until I threatened to call you. I don't think you realize the magnitude of what you've done by not telling her why we left. She didn't want to see me because I reminded her of you. She didn't want to see your face."

"She… hates… me?" he asked trying out the word. You could clearly register the pain on his face now, "What have I done?" he whispered.

A vibrating noise filled the room. His phone. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and answered. I could here Alice talking in the background. She informed him of the vision she had just seen about Bella being in surgery, "Alice I know that," he said plainly.

I walked back over to Bella and began placing the skull cap back on when Edward roared, "NOOOO!"

1.762 seconds later the heart monitor flat lined.

I yelled for Edward to grab the shock paddles, but he had already started rubbing them together.

I backed off knowing what he would say next.

"CLEAR," and the paddles crashed down.


	9. Chapter 9

Bella's POV

Force. Can you really even use it as a descriptive word? Force can be like 'Our army force is better than yours!' or 'This force field is holding me back!' or even 'May the force be with you!' But force is the only word I can conjure up that even remotely describes what I'm feeling. Forces surround me and pummel my body from all directions. The force of the world brings me to a pain unknown to the world save an elite few.

My forehead pulsates with the drumming of a bass. The weight of the sky and all of its storms reverberate through my skull. Pain like this is unimaginable. Pain this thorough and stark belongs to hell and hell alone. No earthly being could've ever felt this universal ache. Except the unluckiest person it the whole world, me.

Despite my unawareness to the world, I still feel my body twitching and thrashing about. The vigor of the beast they call recovery easily surpasses my willpower. I'm left feeling utterly helpless in my own world of pain.

_Is this what it's like to die? They always used to teach you that death was painless if your heart took it the right way. Well, I'm going to have to write an insanely colorful letter to whoever said that crap because you know what? My heart is most definitely in my own death!_

That's when things got interesting. A shock of colors so vibrant and vivid shot from the very core of my dark world of hurt. They swirled and danced in a beautiful waltz together that pulled my very being from deep within. I became aware of the rest of myself. My toes were seared with life that flowed through to the tips of my split ends. This new energy came hand in hand with an elation I hadn't felt in years. I laughed with the delight I child gets from a new toy. This laughter was not at all from the hilarity of the situation, but more from the stress that was being peeled off by the strips.

I felt truly happy and at peace for the first time since that night in woods. The colors seemed to give off their own sort of melody. A sweet yet persistent background noise that coursed through my veins and gave me the strength of a thousand suns. It along with this new Technicolor world, gave me a drug induced feeling of the soon to come afterlife.

The rainbow of color advanced towards what I'm assuming was my soul and began twisting around my limbs. It circled until I was almost completely encased in a colored cocoon. Only me eyes peeked through as I slowly began to rise, pulled along by the strands of rainbow. I sighed escaped my relaxed lips as I threw my head back and shut my eyes.

_I'm ready_.

As I drifted farther and farther up, a hazy figure came into view. This form was completely black save the glittering of its skin-or whatever they called skin here. The shape was silhouetted by a blinding light that could have brought even Victoria to her knees. As I approached the figure it vaguely crossed my mind that I should prepare myself to be presented in front of an angel, but there really wasn't much I could do at this point. So I continued to stare straight at my guardian angel, waiting for it to liberate me of my earthly bonds.

But then I recognized the person as not an angel, but one of the Devil's closest demons. Edward.

_What do you want? _I shouted with barely suppressed rage. In this new world, there was no way to communicate through word of mouth so I had to call out in my mind and hope for the best.

Ignoring the question he thought _And just where do you think your going?_

_You're, asking me? How should I know? I'm assuming heaven, but you never know. Could go either way. I know where you should go if your lost, though._ I answered as haughtily and snobbily as I could, attempting to force a reaction out of him, but failing.

_Bella you and I both know that you're being ridiculous. You're giving up to easily. Fight!_

_Why can't you just let me die in peace? You've taken everything from me, so at least let me keep my death. _My voice had grown several octaves by the end of my monologue.

_Because it's not your time. Now go back down to your body before I make you._

As you can easily predict, I did nothing of the sort. I simply stated_ No._

_Bella, you mustn't be defiant. You'll only increase your chances of going back. And I know that's not what you want._

_You do realize I wouldn't be so "defiant" if you would move out of my damn way._

_Fine, Bella, but you can't stop what's meant to be._

With the end of his lecture drawing to a close, the neon tendrils drew back from my spirit. They coiled into fists of fury that were trembling with the anger of someone who trespassed into the land of the dead. Long story short, they were majorly pissed I wasn't supposed to be there.

The plant like rainbows shot out faster than I could say _Screw you Edward!_ And then I was being snapped back into my body, pain and all. The intensity of my pain had decreased in the trillions, but it was nevertheless still there.

A new addition had been made to this dull achy feeling. Screams. Or should I say one person screaming. It was a cry of anguish that chilled me to the bone and rocked my core. This person had lost so much and it was obvious they were not taking it well. This shrieking was filled with the sadness of the Holocaust and the intensity of a super nova. I couldn't help but feel a great sympathy for this person. Whoever they were, they were in store for some tough times. I would know.

The bawling finally subsided into yelps of 'NO' so many times over and over again that if I could've moved my lips I would've yelled 'Shut the hell up and suck it up!'

This thing immediately grew silent. Maybe I'm still in a sort of shadow world, where everything thought can be heard. Oh shoot, now I feel bad for telling them to shut it.

As I contemplated my misdemeanor the thing yelled out one more thing that shocked my hub and confused me out of mind.

CLEAR!

I jackknife to a sitting position and rip my eyes open to moonlight shining into a shadowed room. I take in my surroundings and it registers as something. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I wiggle my toes to find myself laying in a bajillion thread count sheets. I feel like a butterfly wrapped in a silk cocoon, just waiting to freed so I can spread my wings and fly.

I fling my body back on the mattress and my head connects with a fancy Tempur Pedic pillow. I now this because my head immediately buries itself inside the squishy cave of comfort. I close my eyes and try to breath in and out slowly. A slow pounding begins to strike my skull every other half second. The pain is dull, but constant. Not to mention just a smidge annoying. It was nothing major, just your average run of the mill nightmare induced head ache.

A sigh escapes my parched lips and I slowly open my eyes once more. I try once again to take in my surroundings to find… well not really anything. Laying on my back, I see a whitewashed ceiling and a small bookshelf located directly in front of me. What few books that rest on the mahogany shelves are rather old. I see several Shakespearean novels, some Isaac Asimov, and even a few Jane Austen or two. My brow furrows together as I think _That's strange._

I roll onto my right side to see nothing but another whitewashed wall. _The bed must be pushed up against the wall._

Too lazy to roll over quite yet, I curl up into a newly discovered black comforter. I bend my knees and bring them up to my chest, feeling the gentle constriction of denim._ Must've fallen asleep in my clothes or something._

The second my groggy thought enters my conscience I know I'm wrong. I never just fall asleep. I'm the type of person who's OCD about every single little detail. No, it's next to impossible that I just fell asleep. I throw the downy comforter off to find the rest of my clothes still intact and on my body. My black boyfriend tank top still clings to my body under my thin blue and black plaid jacket thing. What is this shirt thing called anyway?

More confused than ever I roll onto my left side to find myself staring at an endless wall of CDs. _There have to be thousands. Who would ever have the time to collect all of these?_

I throw my legs over the side of the bed and sit up to find my feet resting on black chucks. In my disoriented state I slide off the bed and onto an amply plush carpet. I was literally sinking into the deep threads. I began shoving my feet into my beat up shoes and continued looking around, my head whipping back and forth taking in the lonely room.

Done tying my shoes I slowly stood up to receive an even more bone crushing headache. Sweat began to gather at my hairline as I made my way across thick carpet to an expansive window. I looked out into the dark of night and made note of the overly quiet it house. It was almost too quiet to be real.

You could probably hear the force of my realization. There had to be bang or thunder clap or _something_ as I finally concluded that I was at none other than the Cullen's. And I could only begin to guess whose bedroom I was in.

The CDs, the books, the window that was almost too huge to be true. I should've guessed it long ago. Or at least before I finally picked myself off the king sized bed.

Rage practically boiling over, I immediately spun around and marched out of the room. The hallway was just as dark, but I kept the lights off so no one would know if I was awake had they decided to leave. I stormed down the wood steps, causing quite a racket if I might add, and arrived into was would be called the foyer. The only odd thing out was the three foot hole I'd dodged while stomping down the sweeping stairs. Everything else was as it should be. I immediately took my casted hand and began punching the living daylights out of the immaculately white door, kicking it as well. If HE wasn't gonna even show up when I woke up, his door was gonna get it bad.

I finally stopped my mad tirade when I realized I looked pretty mental. I was not sorry there were several fresh dents in the door. I slowly turned to face the kitchen counter and calmed my breathing. _I just need to calm down. There's no one here, and they might even be long gone. Deep breaths. In. Out._ I continued my breathing until my heart rate slowed and the shakes that had wracked my body subsided.

I opened my ears long enough to listen. The manor reeked of a stillness that not even a horde of vampires could create.

_They must be out hunting or something._

My stomach rumbled angrily.

Eating was usually not high on my priority list, but I'd never felt so hungry in my life. This was a new kind of hunger. Like I hadn't eaten in a couple of days, hunger. I doubt they'll have anything here, but I guess it's worth a shot.

I ambled slowly over to the fridge my head pounding all the way. My shoes clicked against the luxuriously dyed hardwood flooring, echoing throughout the house. As I approached the counter, I reached my hand out and dragged it across the smooth granite. The coolness surprised me. It was a shock to my sweaty system and I immediately withdrew. I reached for the stainless steel fridge and practically ripped the door off its hinges to get to the imaginary food quicker.

There was only one item in the expansive fridge and it was just about the worst thing it could possibly be. Tofu. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate tofu? Probably not, but I'm warning you. The stuff's nasty.

My stomach rumbled ravenously once again and a wave of pure hunger saturated my entire body. Dizziness soon swept through my head as I realized just how starving I was. My balance a little off kilter, I reached in and grabbed a plate of pure disgusting and started stuffing myself.

Halfway through my meal of torture a light shined across my face. The headlights of a car to be more exact. To be even more specific the headlights of a certain Volvo that belonged to a certain someone.

_Oh god, gotta hide even if it won't matter in the end._

I immediately ducked under the countertop, feeling childish, Tofu and all. I sat quietly wallowing in my own dread, just waiting for my own personal Satan to walk through the door.

He did ever so softly. I stayed silent as I watched him blur up the stairs. I waited several seconds and just as I was about to cautiously move to make a run for it, a crash shattered the stillness of the house.

I shot back under the safety of the counter and tried to calm my breathing. My heart rate had picked up generously as soon as the noise had interrupted the quiet of the manor. Holding back tears, I managed to stay as silent as humanly possible. I listened for the inevitable footsteps launching themselves down the stairs and soon they came. When they reached the living room, just ten feet away, I turned back around so that I was facing the stainless steel of the fridge again. My reflection bounced back at me as I saw trepidation worry my pale face.

"Bella I know you're here. I can here you breathing. Not to mention your heartbeat."

I watched myself in the makeshift mirror as pure fear etched itself permanently into my features.

"Bella, dear, your heart rate just picked up now I definitely know where you are," he said this with a sarcasm that shocked me. Was he trying to be funny?

I squeezed my eyes shut hoping against hope that he was full of it and just lying again. My pulse raced inside of me as I took deep breaths in and out. I counted a slow ten before I opened my eyes again. _Eight… nine… ten._

First I relaxed my face, so that any fear or stress was purged away. Hoping to seem calm, I quickly fluttered my eyes open to find another pair of upside down gold ones staring straight back. I was a little surprised to say the least.

I jumped so hard my head hit the bottom of the granite countertop as I screamed. Quite loudly I might add, but no half as loud when I was being picked off the floor and into the devil incarnates arms. My head ached as I was slowly lowered onto my feet, but not entirely let go of. I felt a cool careful hand on the back of my neck press my head into a cold shoulder.

"Bella thank God you're okay," he said, voice broken and cracking.

I yelled as loudly as I could into his black cotton shirt, "Let me go!"

It came out sounding muffled and more like "Lamaga!"

He immediately pulled me off his shoulder, complying much better that I expected. His icy hands remained on my shoulders as the tears finally poured forth and streamed down my face. They swam down my cheeks in rivulets, not stopping for the world.

He reached his hand up slowly to wipe away the tears, but when I cringed at his touch he blurrily drew back. I dropped my head so I was staring at my Chucks, my hair creating a brunette curtain between us. This wasn't for his sake, but more so that I didn't have to look at him.

"Bella, what's the matter? Are you okay?"

I vaguely heard the soft patter of the rest of the horde entering through the front door, but that was in no way, shape, or form going to stop me now.

I snapped my head up, fury twisting my features into an unrecognizable mess. I could feel the anger radiating from my body as rage glossed itself over my eyes. I watched as he blinked once, then twice at my sudden anger and then as confusion encircled his frame.

I took the opportunity to shriek, "Get the hell away from me!" But that was just the beginning or my rant.


	10. Chapter 10

"Get the hell away from me!" I shrieked. My voice pierced the increasingly tense atmosphere, an urgency factor shocking the confusion right off Edward's pretty little face. His old countenance was replaced with a semblance of hurt that shook my core. My eyebrows shot up in surprise, but I quickly reeled them in not wanting to show an iota of weakness.

Not having the slightest clue what to do, I dropped my head down, cracking my neck in the process, and once again creating an effective barrier of hair between us. The shield could only be temporary, but it suited me just fine for the time being. _Oh what to do, what to do?_ Realizing there was no safe or plausible way of escaping the house I settled for at least ridding myself of the iron grip that rested on my shoulders. I started shrugging my shoulders up and down. Nothing. Then back and forth. Still nothing. I then proceeded with shimmying back and forth, but the only reaction received was the tentative laughs of the rest of the Olympic clan. _Something funny?_

When his arms remained dormant upon my shoulders, I stamped my foot. Just like a snot-nosed little kid. My rage was being poked and prodded like livestock and I simply just couldn't hold back the growl that snagged itself from my mouth. This effectively cut off any and all traces of false hilarity, but my need to mentally kill these vampires still split my mind in two. It wouldn't be much longer before all that pent up fury spilled over and World War Bella broke out.

_These people are just asking for me to maim them. If they weren't next to impossible to seriously injure, they'd have been on the floor dying a slow death for at least ten minutes by now._

Seething, an idea wiggled its way into my muddled thoughts. An idea that wasn't very nice, but would nevertheless get the job done. A way to hurt Edward, but not physically. A way to screw with his already messed up head. What's one devious little scheme to an eternity yet to come anyways? It wouldn't even occur to him hundreds of years from now that I totally played him, even if only for precious minutes.

I slowly swiveled my gaze upward, which had moments ago been resting on my dirt encrusted Converse, so that my eyes now bore into a familiar pair of golden orbs. I squeezed the stress out of my rigid muscles and let my entire body subtly droop to give it a wrung out effect. I let my eyelids droop and my lips pucker, flicking my hair off my face revealing my chocolate eyes. Ivy had wanted me prepared for a guy should I ever want to…uhh persuade one, so against my wishes she taught me the art of seducing. I never thought the skill would come in handy (EVER), but thanks to Ivy's antics I might just be able to get back at him.

According to Ivy, eye contact is the number one thing to remember. Screw up the eyes and you can kiss any chance you got down the drain. So remembering my training-yes, training- I stared straight into the onyx pupils of Edward's eyes, trying to force long forgotten lust out of them. I slimmed my eyes, and replaced rage with want. Well, fake want I should say. I tipped my head back and slowly leaned in.

I watched gleefully as my plan fell into action. His golden eyes had, with a start, widened to saucers as his gaze raked my body up and down. _No way, he's totally checking me out. Perfect. _I almost giggled out loud when his arms finally, sluggishly dropped from my shoulders and came to rest at his sides. He angled his head downward, leaning in all the way.

Keeping eye contact I continued to lean forward until I was level with his chest. I tilted my head back as I had a thousand times and he tilted his forward to make the soon to be makeup kiss easier on me.

_Yeah, makeup kiss, my butt_.

Just before the final contact was made, I jumped forward so that my lips barely grazed his ear. This next part would be easy. All I had to do was whisper pretty little things in his ear, and show him how I really feel.

Something in my periphery stopped me though. It was Alice. She was staring dejectedly in my direction, undoubtedly having predicted the outcome. Alice and I locked eyes for a moment, but nothing more. In one second I could read the sadness and bewilderment that blew onto her small moonlit washed face. When she ripped her gaze from mine, I attempted to steal a peek with one of the others, secretly hoping to win pity votes, but with no such luck in either department. I still hadn't turned the lights on by the time they had arrived home; therefore we all stood in complete darkness. Or should I say I stood in complete darkness because once again they were all vampires and could probably see perfectly fine. Reason number 442 they were not on the pristine carpet bleeding their eyes out.

Turning my attention to the situation at hand, I felt hands snaking their way up my back and locking themselves firmly in place. A head buried itself into my shoulder and I realized I'd messed up big time. I was not expecting a hug in this plan.

"Edward," I whispered sweetly with a dash of malice, "Just what do you think your doing?"

His beautiful head snapped up. "What?"

"Oh, you know what you did," I punched him lightly on the arm trying vainly to break free from his embrace.

"In fact, love, I really don't have a clue what you're referring to. Perhaps you'd care to explain."

Hearing my old nickname snapped something deep within my mind. There was no way I could keep this guile up any longer. Cutting to the chase seemed like a delicious idea that even I couldn't resist.

I started with my voice at a whisper. "Get the hell away from me."

Confusion once again diffused across his face, as he continued to search mine for answers. This time though he complied, removing his long fingered hands off the small of my back. He took several steps back before putting his hands up in a defensive manner. Was it really that obvious that I was about to explode?

"Bella," he began, still holding his arms up, "I know you have no motivation to listen to me, but-"

"No your right, I DON'T!" I started my voice growing octaves higher much faster that I'd planned. "If you're going to even THINK about asking for forgiveness, don't waste your time its never going to happen you asshole!" His face fell and a guilty look crossed his face. His sculpted lips popped opened, but he was cut off before he could even begin. "Do you have even an ounce of understanding of what I've been through thanks to you? You've ruined my life. You took literally everything I had that made me who I was. You even took my will to live! If it hadn't been for Ivy, I would be dead this very instant!"

I watched as my former love transformed into a vicious hunter. A feral gleam shaded into his eyes while his entire body tensed. His knees bent at slight angles as tense words played from his mouth, "Isabella. Marie. Swan. Why in HELL would you not be here this instant?" Throughout his sentence he had stepped closer and closer, the moonlight silhouetting his form like an arch angel. _Wait an angel?_ The word angel struck a nerve as 'love' had. I didn't have time to ponder Webster's; I was already pin wheeling for excuses to cover up my grave mention of 'that night'.

"That is none of your concern!" I shot back. "You gave up the right to know about my life when you left me alone without so much as even an EXPLANATION you effing son of a- mmmm. Mmmmm."

A hand had covered my mouth before another profanity could leak its way to the premises. A very big hand that could only belong to one vampire. _Emmett you will pay dearly for this later._

"Now Bella, if I take my hand off your suddenly very large potty mouth will you talk to us in your inside voice?" I could feel the mockery rolling off of him in waves, but I nevertheless nodded my head. Of course that was a promise I couldn't keep for obvious reasons. Emmett for once, though, was spot on with his assumptions. When did I become such a slanderer?

In the blink of an eye, my lips were free and Emmett was next to his beloved once more. I reached up with my left hand and rubbed my numb mouth vigorously trying to heat up my lips enough to properly talk again.

"Bella," a voice said. You know the one. "Please Bella. What did you do? You didn't try to…. Kill yourself did you?" His face contorted on the word 'kill'. "Tell me before I make you."

My dream came at me full force again and suddenly I knew why the word angel had struck such a chord.

_What do you want? _I shouted with barely suppressed rage. In this new world, there was no way to communicate through word of mouth so I had to call out in my mind and hope for the best.

Ignoring the question he thought _And just where do you think your going?_

_You're, asking me? How should I know? I'm assuming heaven, but you never know. Could go either way. I know where you should go if your lost, though._ I answered as haughtily and snobbily as I could, attempting to force a reaction out of him, but failing.

_Bella you and I both know that you're being ridiculous. You're giving up to easily. Fight!_

_Why can't you just let me die in peace? You've taken everything from me, so at least let me keep my death. _My voice had grown several octaves by the end of my monologue.

_Because it's not your time. Now go back down to your body before I make you._

_But that couldn't have been real. There's no way. I didn't actually die did I? If I died, I would be in heaven right now, chillin' with Grandma Marie. He couldn't have…. There's no way…. He didn't actually…. Wait a minute why am I actually here at the Cullen house anyway? Oh no. The surgery. Of course why didn't I realize it before_? But I could always be hallucinating. It's happened before. Well there's only one way to find out.

I glanced down at my hands to find they were shaking. Tentatively, I raised them up to my chest, then my nose, then my hairline. They were still about six inches off my forehead, me being too afraid to find out the truth. _I'm going find out sooner or later_ _so might as well get it over with._

I brought my hands down upon my head to find a cloth wrapped around my skull. I slowly ripped a piece of the bandage off just to be sure this was actually happening. Unfortunately it was, because a moment of struggling later, there was a corner of a pristine white head wrap in my hand.

The morning sun rising, I tore my gaze to glance at the rest of the Cullen's who now watched me with a great sorrow. Except for Rosalie who just kind of looked bored. I calmly walked over to Carlisle who unnecessarily leaned against the door frame I had previously destroyed. He was gazing at his shoes, not wanting to make eye contact as much as I didn't. The morning sun lit a fiery halo around his head, but I wasn't deceived. I knew his for his true beast. The question of doom had to be asked though, fortunate answer or no.

"Carlisle, was my surgery a success?"

He finally peeked up from his staring contest with the floor long enough to blink once then answer, "Why of course, Bella? Would you be standing here if it hadn't?"

Feeling silly, I pushed myself to ask my next question. "Were there any…. Complications?"

His eyes widened as Edward's had before and I knew my guess was correct. I had died and the only reason I was still on this Earth, was the one reason I wanted to die in the first place. I had to know the whole story first, though, before I made any assumptions.

"Carlisle, please answer the question truthfully. Did I die?"

He nodded. "It was very brief. A minute and a half at most before we shocked you back to life." H resumed his contest with the floor on that disturbing note.

That was all the confirmation that I needed. The 'we' in his sentence had said it all.

The shock that overwhelmed my system sent me spinning to face Edward. I could feel the emotions playing across my face. Including all the ones I promised I would never feel again. In my periphery, I noticed Jasper jump from the sudden onslaught of emotion._ Sorry Jasper_. Concentrating on Edward, I watched as the very same emotions that had just adorned my face now decorated his. My vision blurred and the ground came rushing at my face. I had barely a moment to get out my message before I blacked out for about the fiftieth time that week.

"My angel."

**Hey, people reading my fanfic, if you've stuck through with this story since it was first posted you know that I suck at updating. You know how to make me update faster? Reviewing. But anyways since its summer now, I should be able to finish this story up before my cough-freashman year- cough high school year starts!**

**Thanks a bunch love ya all 333**

**Oh and by the way, if anyone thinks Bella was a total bitch send me a review because I totally agree and was trying to make her sound like one. You'll see why soon enough;););) **


	11. Chapter 11

As consciousness slowed started to flow back into my worn out body, the only thing I could think was _Did I really just try to seduce the guy I hate most in this world?_ Memories of what had occurred before my untimely faint surged back into my body, and every single one of them irked me to no end. Snapshots of my performance played across my mind in a hazy slideshow. My hair. His eyes. My body motions. Alice's disappointment. I internally trembled at the thought of me actually attempting to pull this off.

What was I thinking? Alice could've predicted what I was doing (and did), Jasper could've felt my true emotions, Emmett might've believed me, but there's no way the others would've. So then why did Edward play along?

As I contemplated this oddest of questions, another came at me full force _Where am I this time? _

_I really need to stop passing out._

It gets in the way of everything and I almost always wake up in the place I want to be least. Why should I even feel the need to? I'm not some weakling little girl anymore. I am twenty years old. I can practically drink legally! There is no way on God's green earth that I'm about to let some stupid boy get in my way. I may not know where I'm going or if I do want to go anywhere, but I'm sure as hell not staying here. There are better things for me that I can get out of this life. I almost died the other day, and guess whose fault that almost was? Edward's. Three years ago, I almost became a shut-in and lived the life of an ascetic. Guess whose fault that was? Eduardo's. Who was responsible for the night that shall not be named? That Cullen kid. I can't take it anymore! I'm in control now and no one can take that away from me!

As my names for him gradually increased in rudeness and strangeness alike, the more my eyes flicked around inside their sockets. Sure the pep talk I directed towards myself pumped me up in more ways than one, but I had to look like a total freak laying down wherever I was twitching randomly. No matter my current state of mind, I finally felt great for once. I felt like I did matter and that although no one can take my past away from me, I can still live on.

Feeling fantastic for the first time in the last couple of days, I hadn't even noticed the low moans of laughter that were reverberating around the room. They were neither malicious nor gleeful, but seemed like the giggles that would come from someone who found a situation extremely ironic. I involuntarily shuddered as they grew in volume and soon I was finding it hard not to crack up myself. I bit down on my bottom lip to keep sound from escaping, but my eyes convulsed upward along with the corners of my mouth. In the end, it made no difference the precautions I'd taken to keep myself restrained. Soon a loud, and an extremely unfeminine, laugh burst from my quivering lips and almost completely overtook the mystery person's hoots. Some people may say yawns are contagious, but laughter is just as much so.

I couldn't contain myself anymore and just let loose a torrent of giggles. The appeal of someone else laughing just seemed so attractive to my exhausted self that soon I had pulled my knees up to my chest and my hands were clutching at my sides, trying to soothe my quickly cramping torso. Our two laughs harmonized in a way that could only be described as beautiful. Mine a toning bell at the crack of dawn signaling a new day and sometimes a new beginning. His, who by now I believed to be solely Edward, the rushing of a stream that had flooded thanks to too much rain, but was nevertheless gusting forth with emotion. The two laughs contradicted and complemented each other all at once in an indescribable melody dance.

My ears were complaining from the escalation of noise, but at the moment I didn't care. I was relieving stress I hadn't known I'd been carrying from who knows who long ago. My muscles were melting to goop and my voice beginning to strain. I felt like throwing up anything and everything I had in me, both mentally and physically, but couldn't pause long enough in my current state to do so.

I continued my tirade of hilarity until I realized something was missing. The rushing of the river had turned to a trickle and dried up before I'd even begun to notice its absence. I abruptly quieted my bells, stretched my legs back out, and removed my hands from my now aching stomach. I rolled onto my back, sensing the familiar tug of a certain black comforter, seeing no point in fictitiously pretending to be asleep any longer.

My eyes fluttered open to a dusky atmosphere. The room was alight with the swirl of red and purple hues that reflected and mixed with each other through the glassy windows. It could be called pretty, even exquisite. I watched mouth agape at the beauty of the room at twilight and at my vexation with the sparkly vampire that was calmly relaxing on the floor, leaning up against the wall. He was staring out the window, not looking directly at me. His black t-shirt was wrinkled and his cargo pants were lined. His hair was bizarrely askew, sticking out in all directions. Fidgeting awkwardly against the black, down comforter, I noted the lack of tension in the air. In Ivy's words, he looked a hot mess. _It couldn't be my fault could it?_

_Nah._

Something had clicked in those few odd minutes of complete and utter weirdness where we'd laughed to our heart's content. What I didn't know, but I hoped to whatever higher power out there that he wasn't falling for me again. Or worse, I for him.

"Why did you stop?" I asked trying (and failing) to break through the uncomfortable stillness.

At first he seemed to ponder his answer, but just as I thought he was going to reply I was bombarded with another question.

"Did you really die?" He kept his eyes trained on the translucent window, but I could tell he was eager to hear my answer. From what I could see of his face, he was very calm. Who knows if it'll stay that way for long, though.

"Yes," I murmured. He tightened his jaw considerably, and I saw him visibly tense with anger. I cringed imagining him yelling at me for something I didn't even cause, but shoved those thoughts quickly out of my head. As many things as Edward is, he's definitely not a yeller.

"Okay."

For some unknown reason, his answer bothered me. There was more to this question than just to know if I had really passed on and came back. I was a living miracle that shouldn't be contemplating why she was talking to such a jerk right now. I should be six feet under and he wanted to know why I wasn't. That had to be it.

Doing the right thing is considered honorable in most societies, but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction that he could get anything out of me, anytime. What happened in my life was no longer his concern.

"Tell me. What did you see there that was so disconcerting that you felt the need to pay me such a compliment?" he asked.

But I needed to get my story off my chest and he apparently already connected the dots. That didn't mean it was going to happen right away though. I was going to put it off for as long as I could. I would do ALMOST anything to tell Ivy what had happened on the other side instead of him, but we didn't need another failed display of my seduction skills.

"And what compliment might you be referring to?" I asked, attempting to sound inquisitive and completely uninterested.

A smile played across his lips. He obviously knew I was going for the cat and mouse game, but he didn't seem to care. Why? There had to be some motive for him to play along other than his own enjoyment.

"The one about my being an angel. Especially one that belonged to you and you alone."

_My angel._

"Who knows," I retorted, "Maybe I'm just having some malfunctions with my recovery process. You do seem to be playing with my mind a bit."

"Like you haven't been doing the same to me?" he quirked an eyebrow up at this.

Dang. When did he get so familiar with sarcasm?

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I countered, holding my chin up loftily, but failing to look unconcerned because I was still horizontal.

"No matter, I do know that I am here to listen to what you have to say about your death, but yet again you characteristically avoid the subject."

Unable to think of a comeback I replied with, "Well why would you care anyway? You left," I said with unusual calmness. Usually when touched with the subject of his leaving me, I went into hysterical fit and couldn't be brought out of my flurried state until anesthetized with sleeping pills. For some reason, I found it oddly surreal discussing this with him, the one who'd done the leaving in the first place.

I truly thought I'd never see him again. Not in this lifetime and maybe not even in the next. Seeing him now was like a breath of fresh air, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. Now apprehending this, I wanted to take back what I'd just said, but couldn't. I just couldn't retract it because even though I felt bad, he still didn't want to be with me.

_Wait! I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I'm not gonna get sucked back in!_

Unfortunately his reaction was not the same as mine. His head whipped to the side and for a second unimaginable sorrow filled his eyes. The next second though, it was gone and replaced with almost nothing. Only a ghost of his previous melancholy shadowed his face, so thin, that I could hardly even tell it was there.

"Bella, tell me what happened now. Please. I have no other option, but to beg you. Please, tell me what it is you saw when you were…. Gone," I could see in his eyes that this was what he truly wanted, but did I have the guts to tell him.

Seeing him, the big strong vampire begging for anything was hilarious in its own way, but it also bordered on pathetic. Regrettably, I was close to boiling over with either irate or some other feelings, and if I didn't tell him soon, everyone in the whole house was gonna know anyway. I could no longer keep it to myself that he, the man who'd broken my heart enough to last a lifetime, was my angel.

"You," I mumbled quietly.

"What?" He asked incredulously.

"You heard me."

"I know, but you said it with such conviction and acceptable traits. I'm surprised you would accept me as the one who brought you back to this earth."

That one struck a nerve. "What do you mean brought me back to this earth?"

"I was the angel that saved you from heaven wasn't I?"

"And just how would you know that?"

"I didn't, but you just confirmed it."

My body heated up at this as my anger slowly overtook my body. I was mad. And not just normal mad, I was I'm gonna rip your head off whether you're immortal or not mad. He'd gotten something out of me that I hadn't necessarily wanted anyone to know yet, and all just by weaving his words right. This conversation was about to take a turn for the worst and not wanting to feel overpowered when talked to by this two-faced man I sat up in bed, not even bothering to smooth by curls out.

"You are never going to find out what happened when I died. You are never going to know who saved me from something I wanted to happen! And you know why? Because it's your entire fault! I could be peacefully dead right now, but once again, thanks to you, I can't be!"

"Bella I'm going to say this one more time," His voice dropped to a deadly growl as his eyebrows dropped down to a scowl. I knew without a doubt I'd touched a nerve. "Why would you EVER want to be dead? If you died I don't know what I'd do!"

I was somewhat slowed by this. Even if he'd left, he still didn't know what he'd do without me? _Well this just makes perfect sense_.

"You'd probably just carry on your daily life of harassing teenage girls! I bet you didn't even know I should've been dead over two and a half years ago!"

I may not have wanted to talk about my recent death defying experience, but the older one I'd have no qualms sharing. I watched on curiously, but with no trepidation, as his entire body clenched and then unclenched several times before he finally released his muscles wholly and asked the question I already knew was coming.

"You… tried to… kill… yourself?" His voice, like earlier, cracked on the word kill. I knew better this time, though, because it was all an act.

"Yes I did and your about to get the entire gist of it."

I watched as he visibly gulped, even though there was no need to.

_This is going to be fun_ is what I thought in my head.

But what my heart told me was that this was a terrible idea and that torturing him was going to get me no farther in life than seducing him had. My pep talk had ramped me up until I'd reached by personal acme. _This should make me feel even better right?_ I told myself that I was doing the right thing for me and me alone when I began my story.

But of course I knew I was hurting myself more, by hurting him.

**Okay I know, it's filler, it sucks because I didn't review. AT ALL. But I needed to show Bella realizing that Edward might be sorta okay. Also I have the next chapter ready, but it's gonna be really short. It's just of the whole 'older death defying experience.' Let me know if you want me to put it up soon or wait a little bit.**

**Also I have this other story that's kinda random, but I think you guys would like it. It one first place in my high school for best original story out of 324 (ya I memorized the number) entries and I'm only a freshman. So that's kinda cool for me, but I want you people to read it let. The only problem is I made it up myself. Let me know I if I should post that too!**

**Ciao for now bellas and chicos;););)**


	12. Chapter 12

**So this is the much awaited suicide attempt chapter! Some of Bella's dreams are in this chapter. Keep in mind this chapter shows how Bella's personality and actions were affected by Ivy if she seems a bit different in the beginning. Once you get to a certain point though, it definitely emanates Bella's thoughts. **

"So, where ya from?"

"Umm, Phoenix, Arizona."

"You're joking right?"

"I know. The whole 'I look albino' thing doesn't really match?"

"Not at all. I was just going to say I'm from Phoenix too. And don't worry about it. Being pale in a crowd of orange, tanning bed addicts just means you stick out. But in a good way."

A hot flush swept across my foundation plastered cheeks as I fiddled with the hem of black empire waist skirt. This was different, all the attention I was receiving. Not since EL-day (EL= Edward Left) had I felt so important, so liked for who _I_ am. Being with Maddox, the guy sitting across from me sipping a coke, made me feel wanted. Like I _was_ worth somebodies time. Maddox was the kind of guy who knew how to make a girl feel special, even when that girl would rather have been ANYWHERE else about five minutes ago.

An awkward, gangly, pimple-infested teenage boy with a lisp walked up to our table, "May I (sniffle) get you any refills?" I politely refused as did Maddox and the boy sniffled away.

"You really look incredible tonight. I mean seriously you're the hottest thing I've seen in the last couple of hours," Maddox joked.

I giggled not sure if I was being insulted or complimented, but flattered all the same. Maddox was all I wanted in a guy. He way funny, a successful journalist, not to mention looked like sex on a stick with wavy, jet black hair, dark bedroom eyes, and deliciously golden (not pearly) skin. And to think, I shouldn't even be here right now.

"_But c'mon Bella he's so hot and he's like your polar opposite!" Ivy argued. _

_I glanced up at my best friend and sighed, "Ivy, that makes me want to even less." _

"_But don't opposites attract? I swear that's what they told us in Geometry."_

"_You mean Physics, right?_

"_No."_

"_Oh, well then."_

_ The awkward moment spun out and I went back to reading my battered copy of _Wuthering Heights_. The thing was about to fall apart, but I was determined to get as much use out of it as possible. In my periphery, I watched Ivy paint her nails an outrageously bright shade of purple that kind of made me want to barf. She was completely oblivious to the fact that I had just changed the subject off going out wi-_

_ "Oh and anyway, you should definitely hook up with him." _

_ Just kidding. _

_ I flung the book on my lap, "Ivy, the last time you made me go on a date with one of your old high school friends, I came home with a Chihuahua hat, a How to Train Your Dragon happy meal toy, and a bib that said I eat like a 400 pound Mississippi trucker. No."_

_ "But I can _guarantee_ you'll like this one. His name is Maddox and he's a runner. Plus, many other fantastically wonderful things that will turn you on just thinking about it."_

_ Overcome with annoyance, I retorted, "Ivy (a) you've got the mind of a perverted 15 year old boy; (b) uhh, not exactly looking for that kind of relationship; and (c) No."_

_ "C'mon please!" Ivy slithered off her bay window cushion, and crawled over on her hands and knees to grab my ankle. Of course with her wristsm, though, because God-forbid she mess up her new, homemade manicure. "Please!" She shook my ankle back and forth with such force, my book flew across the room and hit the wall with a soft thump._

_ "Uhh," I groaned. _She'll never give up._ "Just this one last time, then _no more_. Not EVER again."_

_ "Yaayyyaaaayyyaaayyy!"_

"Bella? Bella. Bella!" I snapped out of my reverie to stare right into a pair of gorgeous, black eyes.

I blushed. "I'm sorry. How long were you calling me? "

He flashed a crinkly smile that dominated most of his face. "Not long just a few days."

I apologized again. "I'm just so happy to be here." I gazed down at my skirt again, completely humiliated.

Surprisingly enough, though, he reached over and grabbed my slender hands. "Me too," I looked up and stared right into this eyes, "I like being around you. You're so sweet and I don't want to leave your side, but your hands, they're so cold."

__He brought one up to his lips and kissed it with a feather's touch, "I'm gonna go up to the counter and get you a coffee to warm them up."

"Okay." With a quick kiss on the check, he was gone and I alone. I didn't have the heart to tell him that coffee and I were not on good terms.

I watched him as he ambled in the direction of the counter until a young waitress with long blonde hair fell in step behind him and blocked my view. I spun back around to face the table and took a sip of water.

As I sat waiting for him to return, I zoned off into Bella-land. Maybe this was finally the right guy. He was nice, cared about me, and_ human_. I try not to compare my dates to a certain someone, but it's hard not to. Maddox is different, though. I like him and he likes me, simple as that. I can kiss him without holding back. We can walk outside without fear of blinding innocent drivers because we 'sparkle in the sun.' I can touch him without catching a cold. We can grow old together.

_But you like HIS cool, smooth touch, and the gentle way he holds you. The snowy hue of HIS skin makes you feel accepted. You liked how HE kissed you because it was gentle and wanted nothing you couldn't give. You like HIM better and that's why you compare Maddox to Edward and you know it._

Ignoring my conscience, I continued to dream about mine and Maddox's intertwined future. We could get married and travel the world. We could walk the streets of Paris, climb the steps to an ancient Japanese shrine, and float in the Black Sea. We could tour the pyramids, boat across the Mediterranean, and eat in a small British café. Of course there would be smaller more menial things as well. We could piece together jigsaw puzzles, while laughing about our experiences. He could write while I read. We could dance to music in absolutely nothing and not a soul would judge us because we would be together. Maddox and Bella. Perfect.

"Miss, the restaurant is closing."

I slowly turned my head to find a young woman, the same young woman from before, with the long blonde hair. She nodded her head and repeated herself.

"Oh, but I'm just waiting for my date. He went to get me some coffee." I pointed over my shoulder towards the counter to find an empty room.

The waitress shook her head, "Miss there's no one else hear. I'm sorry, but you've got to leave."

My eyes widened as tears immediately began to flood my chocolate eyes. How could I be so stupid? History repeats itself. I should've known this was just bound to happen again. I should've known.

I stood up on shaky legs, knocking my chair plus half the table cloth to the floor, and ran out of the fancy restaurant, leaving all dignity behind with the blonde waitress. I moved my gladiator clad feet as fast as I could, but athleticism was unfortunately not one of my specialties. I ran through the clear, balmy night with the painful run of someone heartbroken. _There's nothing left for me here._ Through pure miracle alone, I sprinted across the gravelly parking lot without falling on my face. Tears poured down my cheeks as I slammed into the side of my car, fumbling for the door handle. Upon finding it, I nearly ripped the door off its hinges and climbed into the seat. I rested my head on the steering wheel completely messing up my straightened hair._ Not that it matters anymore. I'm a loser._

I began to deeply sob. I don't even see why I bother. Edward left me because I was worth about as much as a car tire. I was foolish to think Maddox wouldn't think the same. It was stupid of me to think that I could ever be good enough for anybody to hold and kiss and touch with real emotion. I was wrong to think my life mattered.

By now I was moaning and couldn't see a thing through my watery vision. All I wanted to do was escape my horrible life. No one wanted me around and I didn't want to be around.

_Anymore._

"Shut it, conscience," I croaked.

I wasn't worth anyone's attention. I wasn't worth being loved or even liked. I wasn't even good enough to be dumped face to face. _It would've been easier if he had snuck off to hook up with that waitress._

I sniffed as cries continued to rack my body. My face and the entire front of my shirt were dripping with salt water, my body shivering in the cold interior of my car. I peeled my head off the horn and concentrated on the goose bumps that speckled my thighs. I was utterly alone, left in my car to shiver. Hours had gone by, or made several long minutes, but who could tell? Ivy probably just assumed I had gone home with Maddox, which was of course, never going to happen. No one was here for me, but why would there be?

_I've got to escape this life. I've got to leave._

I violently unzipped my cheap wristlet and snatched the car keys. As soon as I had thrust them in the ignition, I was already speeding off towards Heelo Lake, goal set in mind.

No words rippled through my brain. All rational thought had dissolved, all reason turned to dust. I was no longer going to be controlled. I was doing what _I_ wanted.

I smashed through the Heelo Lake parking gate, cleaving it right off its building counterpart. I cut across the vacant lot right to the fishing dock, speculating about how I was going to go about doing this. Circling around a second time, I lined the car up with the wooden platform, barely able to fit the entire Toyota on the walkway at the same time. I pressed the gas until it touched the floor and watched as I advanced toward the edge of the dock. My newly wrecked car thumped against each individual board, knocking a few into the water below. I violently bounced up and down in the driver's seat, getting a nice dose of whiplash. And then I was flying through the air.

Everything was in slow motion. Papers and shoes that had previously been in the back seat flurried around the car. A pack of M&Ms hailed down on my head along with about 10 library books that would never be returned. I became hyperaware of all my surroundings. The scratch of worn seating on the bottom of my thighs. The whitening of my knuckles as I gripped the steering wheels. The gleam of freshly cleaned windshield portraying midnight water. The gentle brush of my eyelashes as I softly closed my eyes. The anticipation of waiting for the end.

"Bella, my sweet Bella, I thought you agreed to keep your promise?"

Slowly I opened my eyes and swiveled my gaze towards the passenger seat, hair circling around my head in a brunette halo.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered to the figure lounging not two feet away.

Molten, gold eyes glanced up to meet my mascara laced lashes. They were pleading. "Bella you promised you wouldn't do anything rash. That includes this."

The car seemed to hover in midair as I searched his face for any sign of doubt. I found none.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't take this life anymore. No one stays. No one cares. I'm not worth anything," I trailed off.

Silence.

_He agrees._

I looked through the windshield at the quickly approaching black water. My tear ducts were barren and trying to cry just failed miserably. Instead of streaming tears, my eyes burned as I realized there truly was nothing left for me in this life.

"You were worth something to me."

My eyes shot open and a dim smile crossed my face. I didn't want to believe it, but I had about 5 seconds live. Did it really matter anymore?

"If you really care," I started "then save me. Get us out of here and take me away."

But when I looked over, with hope in my eyes, he was gone.

I was underwater.

**Alright cool, so not my best work, but work nonetheless. Last time I watched as the bar when up for how many people read my story and absolutely no one reviewed my story! I was just like OMG there's so many people out there and not one of them reviewed? Wahh! I'm not gonna update anymore! But writing calms me down and makes me feel better and since I was just majorly betrayed by some of my closest friends I had to have something to help. Most girls eat ice cream. I write. So please review! Oh and what did you think of breaking dawn?**

**Edward's reaction is next chapter. Should I do it in his POV or Bella's? I have both written.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for all the reviews for that last chapter, I really appreciate it! I wasn't really expecting everyone to want both POVs, but I'm totally cool with it. Sooo… hear ya go!**

**(review please!)**

** Bella's POV**

"That's. Enough." He growled out, voice low.

I glanced up from my dark wash jeans splattered with tear spots to gaze out the window. Much time had passed as I retold my story. The beautiful jumble of twilight had come and gone leaving only the moonlight to shine in through the massive glass. "Excuse me?" I asked, still glaring at the forest beyond the window.

"I said that's enough," rumbled Edward, "No more!"

A pregnant silence followed. Nothing distinct could be heard save the barely audible whooshes of vampires running about the house. _I guess we have an audience._ I sighed aloud. _Now everyone hates me or thinks I've got the brain power of a chinchilla._ Great.

I whipped my head to face Edward as a loud crack filled the room. He was standing up, entire body tensed, destroyed stereo system at his feet. "What was that for?" I asked. Silence.

The room was weaved in navy shadows, limiting my vision to silhouettes only. This included Edward's face. Shrouded in darkness, there was no way to determine what he was feeling, if anything at all. "Edward?" Silence. "Hello?"

Another low growl pierced the quiet and I twitched in surprise. The whole room shook, like a small earthquake had passed through, and a few CDs took a nosedive from the many shelves that decorated the bleached walls.

When he spoke, my skin crawled with goose bumps, "Why? Why Bella, would you ever even contemplate… disposing of yourself? And in such a manner? After I…" he trailed off then began again. "Driving a car into a lake? That's a little drastic, even for you, Bella.

Rage twisted through my muscles, and venom laced my words as I erupted, "Because you left me with no other choice!" I had been angry, depressed, hurt, and ashamed, but this finally crossed the line. No one, under any circumstances, blames _me_ for choosing what's best _for _me.

I jackknifed up, vertigo swarming my head, and stomped over to the window. No familiar patter of rain, knocked against the window, no flash of lightning lit the room. It was one of those rare nights in Forks where not a cloud donned the sky, no rain leaked from above. The silence of the night was overbearing. Not even the crickets dare break the stillness. So I chose to disrupt it instead. "You left me alone," I spoke, voice shaking. "You deserve to hear the rest of this." _Except that's the whole story._

Wind rushed past my ears and directly behind me, in the reflection of the glass, stood Edward. His eyes were the size of sand dollars and black as coal, but held passionate fire. His small pointed fangs were bared and poked tiny holes into his sculpted lips. His long, pale, piano fingers were coiled into fists and his entire body was tensed. Even more eerie was the way he sparkled in the moonlight. It wasn't like how he sparkled in the sun. In the moon, his skin was brighter, but not in individual dots like glitter. It was more like he was one large piece of light that rippled every which way. It was like looking at an underwater spotlight.

Not once had I ever been afraid of Edward. I'd known him first as the aloof guy at school who wouldn't acknowledge anyone save his "family." Only later had I known him as the big, bad vampire that could rip my head off if he hugged me too tight. Because of the order in which we met, I still thought of him as 'that guy at school' and not the guy who could kill me. Right now, however, I wasn't sure how I felt about him. All I knew is that upon seeing his imposing stature, I began to violently shake so hard my bandages fell to cover my eyes.

"Bella, you don't understand-"

"Oh, I think I do," I said, tearing the bandage completely off my head to reveal gnarled, matted hair.

"NO!" He gripped my shoulders and spun me to face him. Our foreheads were nearly touching. "You can't possibly comprehend the magnitude of what my family and I have all been through! And if you would listen to what I have to say, you would know why I had to leave and that I'm the only reason you're still standing here!"

Up until that moment, I had been indiscreetly staring at the floor imagining what would happen if I took a chainsaw to his feet. But my head had moved of its own accord to face the shining vampire above. We locked eyes. With that one gaze, I knew it was all over. I couldn't hold back the thoughts any longer. No matter how hard I tried to suppress them, I couldn't deny it anymore. I still had deep, powerful feelings for the man standing before me, currently leaning in closer and closer towards my pale face.

I had proof to back it up, too. Torturing Edward with the story of my supposed death had brought me short-lived euphoria, but it quickly dried up and left a feeling of horror. Not only had I noticeably torn him up by retelling the story, but I had also shredded my own heart to pieces. And not just because the PTSD was acting up again either. His eyes burned into mine with unconcealed longing and subtle despair. His face implored me to give him a second (third?) chance, but even if I was brave enough to admit to myself that I might possibly still have feelings for Edward, I would never act on them. I just couldn't-wouldn't-let myself get hurt again.

I watched as his face drew ever nearer to my exhausted one. I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn't let myself get into another huge life-destroying mess (again), but … but… and then it clicked.

"Wait, what did you say?"

**Okay well there ya go! I had Edward's POV written, but I can't find it ANYWHERE! Never fear though, I will rewrite it! I'm not sure when it will get done because I have to start studying for mid-terms (apparently they count even in freshman year, who knew?), but I might be more motivated to write if I get lots of reviews! Edward's POV will continue right after the end of Bella's POV and I will tell you now, I can guarantee you'll never guess what happens next. Anyone who can, gets a shout out in the next chapter!**

**Ciao bellas~**


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